Man Down

How is it possible for a book to be depressing, supportive and hopeful all at once?

Man Down looks at the problems men have today and how it managed to get this way.

What price 'success'?

It seems so many of the problems come from the external pressure to be a 'success' - whatever that means. Over time this pressure becomes internal and drives us to make decisions to satisfy that pressure, but which are detrimental in so many other ways.

It can be the pressure to take a 'successful' career, though it's one we don't want or aren't suited for. Or to take a promotion, because salary is apparently success - or at least it buys all the things that signal success to others. 

The promotion only means more pressure, less sleep, and poorer health. At the same time the extra responsibility takes away from our ability to exercise, take care of our health and form social connections.

The lack of social connections means that retiring is one of the most dangerous things a man can do. "Statistically the two most dangerous years in your life are the year you are born and the year you retire."

So how is that hopeful?

So, as you may imagine, the book can be quite depressing. However, at the same time I found it to be supportive - in identifying what's going on, and so we know it not 'just me'.

Also, while the book is not a 'self-help' book, it does promote ideas such as exercise, meditation and a more selective use of technology - whilst recognising that these treat the symptoms not the disease. "They are to midlife misery what Nurofen is to a backache".

Towards the end there is the hopeful idea of a better world, where "success might no longer be measured entirely by how much stuff you have. A successful man might be a happy man. Or a generous man. Or a passionate man. Or just a man who listened to his heart, not his head, for a few minutes each day."

Wouldn't that be something? A world where well-being is the thing we aspire to - rather than competing for how hard we can push ourselves, our health and our sanity, in order to acquire the expensive things to make others jealous.

It seems optimistic, but why not give it go? 

Related reading

If you like the sound of this, then you might also want to check out The Happiness Curve.

See my other book reviews or subscribe to my monthly-ish email for future ones.